Whatever your problems are, keep in mind that you die at the end of all this. Lets get out there, brutalize ourselves and laugh at those certain pricks who take it seriously, like there is any way to win in all this.Doug Stanhope
Simply by not owning three medium-sized castles in Tuscany I have saved enough money in the last forty years on insurance premiums alone to buy a medium-sized castle in Tuscany.Ludwig Wittgenstein
Working with Dudley Moore was so hilarious. I don't know how we got anything done because everybody was laughing so hard, but he was such a wonderful man, and he had a kindness and a musicality and a dearness to him that was triumphant.Liza Minnelli
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.Flip Wilson
The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood.Lou Holtz
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.Clive James
If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.Joey Adams
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.Michael Sinz
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.Aristotle
To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.Robert Copeland
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.George Carlin
A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.Ludwig Wittgenstein
Every Friday, I like to high-five myself for getting through another week on little more than caffeine, willpower, and inappropriate humor.Nanea Hoffman
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.Jay Leno
I have found that everything wants to kill you. For some things, like fast food, or riding a bike, it just takes longer.Devin J. Monroe
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?Woody Allen
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.Robin Williams