Example is not the main thing in influencing other people; it's the only thing. — Abraham Lincoln

Example is not the main thing in influencing other people; it's the only thing.

Author: Abraham Lincoln

Insight: We like to think our words matter most. We give advice, share our reasoning, post inspiring messages—and then we're baffled when people don't change. The truth Lincoln points to is harder to swallow: nobody really believes what you say until they see you actually doing it. Your kid doesn't learn honesty from lectures about honesty; they learn it by watching whether you admit mistakes. Your coworker won't trust your values by reading them on a company poster; they'll trust them by seeing how you treat people when it costs you something. The tricky part is that example is also the slowest, most demanding form of influence. It requires consistency over time, usually without fanfare or recognition. You can't just perform integrity in moments; you have to live it when no one's watching. But that's exactly why it's so powerful. Example bypasses all our defenses against being sold something. It speaks to what we actually believe about what matters, which is almost always more convincing than anything we could say. The flip side: if you're trying to change how someone thinks or acts, start by examining what you're unconsciously demonstrating every day. That's probably what they'll become.

Source: Address to the Young Men's Lyceum of Springfield, Illinois, 1838