There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat... — Nathaniel Branden

There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.

Author: Nathaniel Branden

Insight: We often think of self-esteem as vanity or arrogance, something to be suspicious of. But the truth is simpler and stranger: people who genuinely feel okay about themselves tend to be nicer. It's almost counterintuitive because we assume confident people are self-absorbed, but the opposite usually happens. When you're not constantly anxious about your own worth, you have actual bandwidth to notice and care about other people. This shows up everywhere in daily life. The person who snaps at a waiter or dismisses a colleague's idea often isn't feeling secure—they're defending themselves. Meanwhile, people who've done their own internal work tend to be generous with their attention and patience. They don't need to prove anything by putting others down or hoarding credit. The tricky part is that this works both ways as a cycle. Treating people well reinforces your own sense of worth, which makes you even more likely to be kind next time. The real insight isn't that self-esteem makes you selfish—it's that self-respect and respect for others are deeply tangled together. You can't really have one without cultivating the other.