One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. — Oscar Wilde

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

Author: Oscar Wilde

Insight: There's a sharp observation hiding in Wilde's paradox that's still worth sitting with. He's not actually arguing against love or marriage—he's pointing out that the feeling of being in love, that intoxicating state of possibility and desire, is fundamentally different from the settled reality of being married to someone. Marriage is a commitment; being in love is a kind of fever. You can absolutely have both, but pretending they're the same thing is what gets people into trouble. What makes this relevant now is how we've romanticized the idea of marrying "your best friend" or "your soulmate"—as if finding the right person means you'll stay perpetually captivated. Real relationships ask something different of us: they demand showing up when you're not enchanted, choosing someone even when the butterflies have faded, and finding meaning in the ordinary dailiness of sharing a life. The paradox works because Wilde understood that confusing these two states—endlessly seeking the high of new love versus building something durable—is a recipe for restlessness. The tricky part is that we actually need both. Not from marriage alone, but from life. The trick is knowing the difference and not resenting your partner for being real instead of mythical.

Source: The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1890

The fever versus the promise

There's a sharp observation hiding in Wilde's paradox that's still worth sitting with. He's not actually arguing against love or marriage—he's pointing out that the feeling of being in love, that intoxicating state of possibility and desire, is fundamentally different from the settled reality of being married to someone. Marriage is a commitment; being in love is a kind of fever. You can absolutely have both, but pretending they're the same thing is what gets people into trouble.

What makes this relevant now is how we've romanticized the idea of marrying "your best friend" or "your soulmate"—as if finding the right person means you'll stay perpetually captivated. Real relationships ask something different of us: they demand showing up when you're not enchanted, choosing someone even when the butterflies have faded, and finding meaning in the ordinary dailiness of sharing a life. The paradox works because Wilde understood that confusing these two states—endlessly seeking the high of new love versus building something durable—is a recipe for restlessness.

The tricky part is that we actually need both. Not from marriage alone, but from life. The trick is knowing the difference and not resenting your partner for being real instead of mythical.

Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde was an Irish playwright, novelist, and poet who is known for his wit, flamboyant style, and contribution to literature during the late 19th century. His notable works include "The Picture of Dorian Gray" and the comedic play "The Importance of Being Earnest." Wilde is often remembered for his sharp humor, extravagant lifestyle, and eventual downfall due to a public scandal and imprisonment for his homosexuality.

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. — Oscar Wilde

The fever versus the promise

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