People do not see you, they invent you and accuse you. — Hélène Cixous

People do not see you, they invent you and accuse you.

Author: Hélène Cixous

Insight: We spend a lot of energy trying to be understood, as if clarity alone could protect us. But this quote points at something we've all experienced but rarely name: people don't really see us. They see a character they've constructed—sometimes heroic, often more harsh—and then they react to that invention like it's real. Your colleague assumes you're lazy because you left early once. Your family decides you're "the sensitive one" and filters everything through that lens. Even people who love you are often responding to a version of you that lives mostly in their head. The trap is that we then get accused based on this invented person. You feel misunderstood because you're defending yourself against a caricature, not against what you actually did. This is especially true online, where someone's made-up idea of you can harden into certainty within seconds. But here's what's liberating: if people are going to invent you anyway, you're freed from the exhausting job of being perfectly transparent. You can't control their invention. You can only decide whether to argue with it—which usually backfires—or accept that their version of you says more about them than you.

Source: The Laugh of the Medusa, 1975