We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.

The qualities we won't teach boys

There's something revealing about which direction change moves easily and which way it sticks. We've made real progress letting girls be assertive, take risks, play hard, pursue ambition without apology. But ask a boy to be thoughtful about his emotions, to listen carefully, to admit uncertainty or ask for help, and you'll often hit an invisible wall—from other men, from culture, sometimes from parents who worry he'll be seen as weak.

The asymmetry matters because it suggests we don't actually believe those "feminine" qualities are valuable. If we did, we'd see them as strengths worth cultivating in everyone. Instead, we treat emotional literacy, patience, and vulnerability like optional add-ons for girls but potential liabilities for boys. A girl who's tough and independent is celebrated; a boy who's gentle and attuned is often pitied or questioned.

What's tricky is that this hurts boys in concrete ways: higher suicide rates, loneliness, difficulty forming close friendships, pressure to prove themselves through achievement or toughness alone. The real courage Steinem points to isn't about soft-pedaling masculinity. It's about expanding what we allow human beings to be, regardless of gender, and trusting that emotional depth and strength aren't opposites.