Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.

Funny without needing a victim

There's something quietly radical about insisting you can be funny without making someone the butt of the joke. We're so used to humor that works like this: laugh at the weird person, the fumbling politician, the ex who wronged you. It feels natural, even necessary—like comedy needs a victim to work properly. But Ellen's point cuts deeper than just "be nice." She's identifying something most of us do without thinking: we often bond with people by laughing together at someone else. It feels good, feels safe, because you're on the inside of the joke looking out.

What's tricky is recognizing this happens everywhere, not just on stage. The group text mocking someone's bad outfit. The knowing smirk when a coworker stumbles. Even just mentally criticizing someone to feel a moment of superiority. These are all tiny versions of the same mechanism. The harder path—being genuinely funny while keeping people's dignity intact—requires actually noticing what's happening. You have to be clever enough to find humor in situations or absurdities rather than just in people's flaws. It's more work, but it also builds something different: laughter that brings people together rather than drawing lines between who's laughing and who's being laughed at.