/Quotes
5 quotes

Emo Philips

born 1956

Emo Philips is an American stand-up comedian and actor known for his eccentric stage persona, unique delivery style, and offbeat humor. With a distinctive bowl haircut and a penchant for surreal, one-liner jokes, Emo Philips has established himself as a cult comedy figure in the entertainment industry.

  1. You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

    Emo Philips
    #school#appreciation#nostalgia

  2. I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

    Emo Philips
    #sleeping#solitude#extermination

  3. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

    Emo Philips
    #bicycle#forgiveness#realization

  4. When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

    Emo Philips
    #sleep#mistakes#relationships

  5. Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

    Emo Philips
    #leather#struggle#frustration