I don't like that man. I must get to know him better. — Abraham Lincoln

I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.

Author: Abraham Lincoln

Insight: Most of us do the opposite. When we meet someone who rubs us the wrong way—their tone feels off, their values seem alien, their confidence reads as arrogance—we tend to keep our distance. We file them into a mental category and move on. Lincoln's instinct was nearly inverted: discomfort was his signal to go deeper, not retreat. There's something quietly radical about treating initial dislike as incomplete information rather than final judgment. Our gut reactions are usually about projection or fear or simple misunderstanding. The person who annoys you at work might be anxious rather than dismissive. The relative you dread seeing might be operating from a completely different emotional logic than you assumed. Getting to know them better doesn't mean you'll become friends—but you'll likely replace caricature with actual human complexity. This matters especially now, when it's easier than ever to avoid people who make us uncomfortable. We curate our feeds, choose our circles, harden our positions. But the people who shift cultures and resolve conflicts are often the ones willing to sit with that initial friction. They're curious about the discomfort itself. That restlessness might be telling you something worth investigating.