Have patience with all things, But, first of all with yourself. — Saint Francis de Sales

Have patience with all things, But, first of all with yourself.

Author: Saint Francis de Sales

Insight: We're usually hardest on ourselves about the things that matter most. You mess up a presentation, forget someone's name, or fall back into a bad habit, and immediately you're not just disappointed—you're furious with yourself in a way you'd never be with a friend. There's this assumption that self-criticism is motivating, that being harsh will somehow make you change faster. It rarely does. Instead, it tends to breed shame, which makes change harder, not easier. The practical wisdom here is almost counterintuitive: patience with yourself isn't letting yourself off the hook. It's the opposite. It's recognizing that real change takes time, that you're learning something difficult, and that beating yourself up mid-process is just noise. When you're patient with yourself, you actually stay in the game long enough to improve. You don't spiral into self-loathing so deep you give up entirely. The phrase "first of all" does the real work though. It suggests that self-patience isn't self-indulgence—it's the prerequisite for patience with anything else. You can't extend genuine grace to others while you're internally furious. You're too depleted, too defensive. Start with yourself, not last.