I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.
Most of us recognize ourselves in other people's struggles pretty easily. We feel the pinch when we see someone embarrassed, scared, or grieving. The gap between that feeling and actually doing something about it, though? That's where things get real. It's not that we lack empathy—it's that showing it can feel risky. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, looking foolish, or opening yourself to vulnerability that won't be returned.
This distinction matters because it reframes what we think of as coldheartedness. When someone stays silent during a coworker's crisis or changes the subject when a friend mentions their anxiety, it's rarely because they don't care. It's often because the courage required to sit with someone else's pain—to let it matter, to respond—feels bigger than the empathy itself. Expressing empathy means risking rejection, being insufficient, or having your own difficult feelings stirred up.
The practical takeaway is gentler than it first seems. If you notice yourself holding back, you're not broken or uncaring. You're just facing the real cost of connection. Sometimes the smallest acts—a direct acknowledgment, a willingness to stay in an uncomfortable conversation—demand more bravery than we give them credit for. And recognizing that gap is the first step to narrowing it.
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Sign inMaya Angelou was an American poet, author, and civil rights activist. She is best known for her memoir "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," which captures her experiences of racism, trauma, and personal growth. Angelou's powerful and poetic writing continues to inspire and resonate with readers around the world.