Try to see the good in others. When you're tempted to judge someone, make an effort to see their goodness. Your willingness to look for the best in people will subconsciously bring it forth.

The mirror effect of good assumptions

We're all wired to spot problems fast—it's kept our species alive. But that same instinct makes us quick to catalog what's wrong with the person cutting us off in traffic, or the coworker who botched a presentation, or the family member we've written off as "just like that." The harder skill, the one that actually shapes how people show up around us, is choosing to look past the obvious flaw and hunt for the capable, thoughtful, or struggling human underneath.

Here's the part that catches people off guard: this isn't really about being nice to them. It's about what happens to you when you do it. When you assume someone's incompetence comes from pressure rather than stupidity, or their rudeness comes from a bad morning rather than a bad character, something shifts in how you respond to them. You relax slightly. You ask a question instead of making a comment. And somehow, people often become a little bit better versions of themselves around someone who's already decided they're worth understanding.

The tricky part is that this only works if it's genuine. People smell performative kindness from miles away. But if you can actually talk yourself into looking for the good—not excusing harm, just believing it exists—you're not manipulating anyone. You're just removing the fog between you and what was probably there all along.