My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them. — Jack Kerouac

My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.

Author: Jack Kerouac

Insight: We often tell ourselves a reassuring story: that our real problem is having the wrong feelings or desires in the first place. If only we didn't want things so badly, or feel so intensely, we'd be fine. But Kerouac points at something more uncomfortable—that passion itself isn't the enemy. The problem is what we do when we're swept up in it. This matters because it shifts where we actually have power. You can't simply decide to stop caring or wanting things; that's not how humans work. But you can practice pausing before you act on that caring. You can feel the pull of anger, desire, or impulse without immediately following it. The gap between feeling and doing—that's where your actual responsibility lives. It's smaller and harder than wishing your emotions away, but it's also real. What makes this tricky is that admitting this requires taking real blame. It's easier to say "I'm just a passionate person" than to say "I knew what I was doing and didn't stop myself." Kerouac's point is that growing up means accepting that second one. You're not bad for having strong feelings. But you are responsible for what you choose to do with them.

Source: Vanity of Duluoz: An Adventurous Education, p. 182, 1968