Either have children or become a saint, because eventually, you have to find something you love more than you love yourself.

Love something more than yourself

Most of us feel the weight of this one without needing it spelled out. We're wired to care about something beyond ourselves—it's not optional, it's built in. The question is just what form that takes. Parenthood is the obvious answer, and it does force you outside yourself in ways nothing else quite does. But Yalom's real insight is that this outward turn isn't just nice or meaningful; it's necessary. Without it, you're stuck in a loop of your own preferences and anxieties, which is actually a kind of trap.

What's interesting is how the "saint" option sits there equally. Most of us won't become saints, but the principle matters: you need something that commands your loyalty more than your comfort does. That might be a cause, a creative work, a community you serve, a person you're devoted to. The specific shape matters less than the fact that you've genuinely reoriented your center of gravity. When you do, something shifts. Your own problems don't disappear, but they stop feeling like the main event.

The hard truth is that pure self-focus, even when it masquerades as self-care or self-knowledge, leaves most people feeling emptier. We discover what we're made of by being responsible to something outside ourselves.