If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others. — Haim Ginott

If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others.

Author: Haim Ginott

Insight: There's something powerful about being praised when you don't know you're being praised. It lands differently than a compliment to your face—it feels like you've accidentally glimpsed the truth about how someone really sees you, rather than just the nice thing they're obligated to say. Kids especially seem to absorb these overheard moments like they're pure currency, way more than direct praise ever gets absorbed. The insight here isn't about manipulation or flattery. It's that people—especially young people still forming their sense of self—tend to believe what they overhear more than what they're directly told. When you say "you're so thoughtful" to your kid's face, part of their brain files it away as parental duty. But when they catch you telling someone else, "I've noticed she really thinks about how others feel," something clicks differently. It becomes evidence rather than encouragement. This works because it removes the performance aspect. They're not acting to earn your approval in that moment; they're just existing, and you're noticing it anyway. That gap between who they think they are and who you actually see them being—that's where real confidence grows. The quiet power of being known well by someone who matters.