The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.

Shedding beliefs we forgot we carried

We spend our early lives absorbing rules, narratives, and habits without questioning them—from how we're supposed to look, what jobs "suit" us, or what success should feel like. By the time we're adults, these inherited beliefs are so woven into how we think that they feel like facts rather than choices we made. Steinem's insight cuts straight to why personal growth often feels harder than learning something entirely new: you're not just adding information, you're actively questioning and releasing things you've carried so long you forgot you were carrying them.

The tricky part is that unlearning doesn't happen through willpower alone. You can intellectually know that a belief doesn't serve you, but your gut, your habits, and your reflexive responses often lag behind. That coworker's comment stings in a particular way because of something you absorbed decades ago. You hesitate before speaking up because of an old rule about fitting in. Unlearning requires noticing these moments without judgment, then gently choosing something different—over and over, until the new path feels less like fighting yourself and more like finally moving in the direction you actually wanted to go.