Love isn't something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcomin... — Erich Fromm

Love isn't something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn't a feeling, it is a practice.

Author: Erich Fromm

Insight: We've been sold a comforting lie: that love is something that happens to us, a lightning bolt or a chemical rush that either exists or doesn't. But anyone who's stayed in a real relationship—or tried to genuinely care for a difficult parent, or maintained a friendship through boredom—knows better. Love is actually closer to learning an instrument. You show up on days you don't feel like it. You mess up and try again. You get better through repetition, not inspiration. The hardest part might be the narcissism piece. We want to love people who make us feel good, who validate us, who fit neatly into our lives. Real love often means caring for someone despite how they make you feel—or worse, especially when they frustrate you. It's the discipline of asking "What does this person actually need?" instead of "How does this make me feel?" That shift alone is revolutionary in a culture built on feelings. This doesn't make love less beautiful; it makes it more real. The couples who last aren't necessarily the ones who felt the most chemistry at the start. They're the ones who treated love like a skill worth getting better at, who chose it on ordinary Tuesdays when romance was nowhere in sight.

Source: The Art of Loving, p. 121, 1956