Quote  ·  Added 14 February 2026

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.

David ViscottHow to Live with Another Person, 1974

Filed underlove·warmth·reciprocity

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Love needs warmth flowing both ways

There's something almost physical about this image—the warmth you feel when you're in the sun, and then the realization that there's equally real warmth radiating back at you. That's love's asymmetry resolved. Most of us spend time focused only on how we're being treated, whether we're valued, whether someone cares enough. But Viscott is pointing at something we often miss: the completeness only arrives when you're both the giver and receiver.

In real life, this explains why unrequited love feels so hollow, even when it's intense. You're getting warmth from only one direction. The other reason this matters is less romantic than practical. The quote captures why isolated acts of generosity, however meaningful, don't quite satisfy us the way mutual relationships do. A one-directional dynamic—even a generous one—leaves you slightly turned inward, always aware of the imbalance.

But here's the part that catches people off-guard: sometimes we're reluctant to let people love us back. We're comfortable being the strong one, the caregiver, the one who gives. Accepting love requires vulnerability. It means admitting you need warmth too, not just that you can provide it. That mutual sun from both sides? It demands you show up completely, not just heroically.

The author

David Viscott

1938–2018·lived 80 years

David Viscott was an American psychiatrist, author, and radio personality, known for his work in the fields of psychology and self-help. He gained popularity in the 1980s and 1990s through his radio talk show and several bestselling books, including "Finding Your Strength in Difficult Times." Viscott was an advocate for open emotional expression and self-discovery, influencing many with his insights into personal development.

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