Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the on... — Buddha

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Author: Buddha

Insight: We all know the feeling of being wronged and wanting someone to pay for it. That anger feels justified, even righteous. But here's what's tricky: we think holding onto it gives us power over the other person, when really we're just walking around with something that hurts us every single day. The person who insulted you last week? They've moved on. You're the one still replaying it, still furious, still burned. The sneaky part is how natural it feels to grip that coal. Anger gives us energy and a sense of purpose. It's easier than the harder work of letting something go. But that energy comes with a cost—it keeps your nervous system activated, your thoughts stuck, your peace out of reach. And the person you wanted to punish? They rarely feel a thing. This isn't about being a doormat or pretending hurt doesn't matter. It's about recognizing that your anger is a debt you're paying while the other person goes free. Real strength isn't in the grip. It's in being willing to open your hand and walk away.

Source: Joan Borysenko, Minding the Body, Mending the Mind, 1987

The Debt You Pay Alone

We all know the feeling of being wronged and wanting someone to pay for it. That anger feels justified, even righteous. But here's what's tricky: we think holding onto it gives us power over the other person, when really we're just walking around with something that hurts us every single day. The person who insulted you last week? They've moved on. You're the one still replaying it, still furious, still burned.

The sneaky part is how natural it feels to grip that coal. Anger gives us energy and a sense of purpose. It's easier than the harder work of letting something go. But that energy comes with a cost—it keeps your nervous system activated, your thoughts stuck, your peace out of reach. And the person you wanted to punish? They rarely feel a thing.

This isn't about being a doormat or pretending hurt doesn't matter. It's about recognizing that your anger is a debt you're paying while the other person goes free. Real strength isn't in the grip. It's in being willing to open your hand and walk away.

Buddha

Buddha, also known as Siddhartha Gautama, was a spiritual leader and the founder of Buddhism. He is known for his teachings on achieving enlightenment through meditation, mindfulness, and the Noble Eightfold Path. Buddha's teachings have had a profound influence on millions of followers around the world and continue to be a source of inspiration for many.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the on... — Buddha

The Debt You Pay Alone

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