Will Rogers

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.