Erma Bombeck

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.